


i've been thinking 'bout my life.

by meananimagus



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt, M/M, Pining, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 12:46:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18571783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meananimagus/pseuds/meananimagus





	i've been thinking 'bout my life.

the first time he met him, it was spring. everything was colorful, bright and alive. the skies are blue and bright like jisung's smile, his entire personality, it has become minho's sole reason for still trying to wake up each day, despite the burning ache inside him to just sleep, forever.

the sun was blinding, but not as much as jisung's eyes sparks as if he took all the rays, greedily lights up his already beautiful orbs, shining ever so brightly right before minho's own. his childish skips, the soft grass moving underneath his sneakers, each happy steps the younger makes causes minho's heart to almost forget it's function to beat.

the first time he saw him, jisung was the happiest, he always was. wearing a big smile, crescent moon plastered against his lips, as if it's jinxed to stay there permanently and before minho could even let his mind work, his hands moves instinctively, the camera in his grasp suddenly aiming at the literal personification of the sunshine itself. he snaps numerous shots of jisung. one while trying to tie his shoelace after stepping on it and almost face-planting, one when he plucked a seemingly out of placed tulip among the green grass, one as he squinted at the sun, pulling on a cap, one while pouting over a little butterfly that wouldn't land on his outstretched fore-finger and many more.

he doesn't know when he started taking photos or why he even did in the first place, but the next thing he knew, he's anticipating each day, dropping by the small park, in hopes of seeing the boy again.

two months passed by like that. minho comes to the park after school, sits on the grass with his back against a trunk of the old tree, it's always ten minutes after he arrives when he catches sight of his life's main scene-stealer, why he even spends his entire time there instead of sleeping at home, like what he usually did, before he knew the boy exists, he's probably not oblivious of the answer but he doesn't think too much about it.

and like always, camera at hand, he always comes home with several photos of the smiling boy. it's creepy, kind of stalker-ish. he could have just walk up to the boy and talk to him instead of stealing pictures but minho won't. no apparent reason.

until one day, minho arrived at five. sat upon his usual spot, eyes constantly flicking over his phone to look at the time. after ten minutes, there was scrunching that he abruptly looked up, only he was mistaken. no one, just the wind blowing hard, clearly telling him signs that it's almost winter. jisung was nowhere.

he waited another ten minutes, twenty, thirty. one hour. the sky started darkening, ugly black staring back at him, mocking him. the stars are hiding. a surge of pain rushed through his chest, like he's been stood up, ditched. stupid. of course he wasn't when the meet-ups that's been going on are all just inside his head and one-sided. jisung doesn't even know him nor his existence.

he went home with his empty camera, and an empty heart.

but he didn't stop coming back. he never stopped waiting. only the boy never returned.

"poor boy, his mom said he only has a week left."

minho's heartbeat picked up. anxieties filled up his head, he scrambled to his feet, rushing over to the old lady several feet away from him, talking to the resident cotton-candy vendor.

"uhm, excuse me ma'am, were you.. w-were you talking about him?" the pair stared back at him with confused eyes.

minho doesn't know why the first person he thought about when he accidentally eavesdrop the adults was jisung. maybe it was instinct, or just paranoia, whatever it is, he just wanted to make sure he's mistaken. jisung is okay. jisung is fine. nothing bad happened.

cold blood rushed up his head, goosebumps rising against his skin. he shivered in terror.

the lady looked at him with sad eyes while retelling the story a mother told him. the story of how jisung was found one night, unconscious in his own room, his heart stopped beating. he was announced brain-dead by the doctor. that it has been a couple of weeks since he started relying on a life support to live. his parents decided they'd let another week, still hoping their son would miraculously wake up, and if he didn't, they're letting him go.

minho's entire life shattered.

he didn't know. he didn't know the boy he had been watching over for the past months was suffering from a critical heart condition, body weakening each day and all he did was take photos, probably the last photos the boy has until he leaves.

if he had known, if only minho had known.

he screamed in pain, his voice and body shaking as he angrily looked up at the dark sky, too mad, raging bitterness growing and growing inside his chest. he was feeling unfair. feeling like he's being deprived of good things in life. just when he thought he could finally be happy, that he could cure his unending want to kill himself, the universe takes it all away from him.

han jisung.

jisung. jisung. jisung. minho finally found a reason to live. why does he had to be taken away from him so fast? when he hadn't even gotten to touch him, or let him know someone hasn't died yet because he exists?

"i hate you. you didn't have to let him enter my life, you shouldn't have let me meet him if you're just going to take him back!" angry tears cutting through his reddening eyes, his fists clenched, nails digging against his palms, it doesn't hurt. but his heart does. his heart bleeds, tearing up pieces by pieces.

he couldn't shake off the painful fact that his world is falling apart behind him and he couldn't even do anything about it, he's incapable.

a week passed.

jisung never woke up and minho was never seen at the park again.

the day after jisung was buried, a parcel was delivered at his parents' house. it was a letter and all the photos of the last remaining days of their son.

it was sent to the post office the day jisung officially died.

unbeknownst to the boy's parents, the boy who sent it was now lying on a hospital bed, a white thin blanket being lifted, covering his entire form after being announced dead.

minho killed himself and followed the boy he loved. minho chased after jisung, to forever, to afterlife.

it was a beautiful tragedy of two young hearts, one who was destined to die and one who no longer has a reason to live.


End file.
